TROUBLE MAN
Explainer: This is what you call my AutoBioGRA”Fitti”.... Bare with me….
I went through some desperately, dark times trying to make this wish & dream a reality & make it stick.
A lot of self analytics was ultimately invested in this, because I was entrapped in a snare of despondency & despair, deepening into unfortunate feelings of failure which fall upon the wayward only son of a preacher who had done his level best to be the one to instill a foundation built on what was real &
I could fulfill whatever was to be my purpose & destiny & still…
I went off track & never could seem to make it back like the prodigal to the feast with the fatted calf. I went quick to the bricks & the competition had begun for my soul, & the enemy inevitably betting that he could have me killed in them streets faster than My Heavenly Father could intercede or impede in the least, so God put me in a cell or a kind of “Concrete cocoon” & gave me the choice of whom, or what I could become when I burst through & emerged like a bloom, from a bud out of the belly of the beast…
Meanwhile, while in the pen, my troubles never ceased.. First off, the moment I hopped off the bus I was looking like dessert to these bidders. Young, light-skinned w’ green eyes was like an alert to these hitters, so I had to fight for my right just to keep my belt wrapped around my middle & in the meantime, needed some me time to figure out & plot a way to live through this carnal cesspool of an Abyss with my manhood & self respect & even my sanity still intact & within my grip. Knew not to play when it comes to survival, you got to hit before you get hit up & lit up & laid down with blood gathering around you on the ground to hold you in its sticky embrace or like a bunch of dark red creatures joining hands to surround you to say grace or give the last rites for another one running into the dust & taking a bite, another cat who’s lost this race & will be added to the statistics but who’s really just been erased. Seen it too many times in too many places.
Praying & asking God to watch my back, front, & sides & hopefully I could pick up the slack & also because I didn’t lack the will to thrive I got jobs & flowed w’a hustle w’gusto just to be active & be involved in my physical & spiritual, emotional, & mental wellness & wellbeing, but in, call me Trouble Man, ‘cause I stayed in Trouble man, I was so stubborn, & rebellious, & militant & convicted through it all which made my progression all the more difficult, like trying to walk on your feet while lying on the floor. I was letting the system beat me, cause I detest & abhor authority figures who make rules, & then break them like racked pool balls right in your face & then nail you to the walls for every little misstep & mistake you make as you try to mature & get better on your own...merit, because you have to want it in order to nurture a kind of Real Healing Sensation to your rehabilitation, in other words, you gotta go & get yours. To proceed you have to endure so much pure hate & impure ulterior motives & others tryin’ to manipulate your strings like a marionette master. You gotta think faster, by using what you know & what you are given, to achieve the key to a better living, like getting a new house after moving out of a cardboard box, but you have to be self propelled to excel because the people who truly want to help you in here are few & far between. So I had to stay ten toes down & tried not to lean. All the while I was still in trouble man, so much trouble man, still couldn’t get w’the program or solve the mystery of His plan.
Thinkin’ that I had game & knew how to play “Life” when that is something that you have to take seriously every moment that the Most High gives & it's not something you can portray, the only way that you can truly do life is to live.
& I only ever tried to be myself & so I’ll admit that I was confused & confounded & long in the tooth, before I realized I wasn’t guaranteed to find this knowledge ‘cause you can be a Sojourner your whole life & never find the truth, searching high & low, here & there, near & far. Lookin’ for someway to even the score or at least make it fair. When I finally Felt I saw that the only way to beat them was to drive defensively & with care & make smarter decisions, but everybody be acting like they built Ford-tough on these roads when they are really, realistically just Ram trucks, cause they will hit you or cause you to run into them & no matter who’s hurt the most you both get damaged in the collision, & I’d always end up back in that same cell, on my knees like, once again, I’m in trouble man forever in some trouble man.
Precious Lord, I could really use your help fam.
Couldn’t seem to stop myself from plodding & plowing head first into price-induced pitfalls, the same sucker tactics set to suck in susceptible cats like me, who’re bordering on something like insanity out of this Correctional Chasm filled with Comatose casualties of an outdated & ineffective but profitable Prison Industry w’Malicious Machinations of keeping their New Jim Crow Clutches Aggressively around me. This is where He found me. He told me that if I wanted out I would have to trust & follow Him, then He told my Lil Brotha Salahudin to get me to pick up my pen, to print out the pent-up rage & let the therapeutic healing of my spirit begin. Big Bruh told me to listen & He would give me what to say but I had to be a reliable partner in helping to fix me & that I couldn’t run, I had to stay & stand & fight & be faithful to things I could not see.He showed me the specs on the blueprint of how I could get it out & give Him the Glory.& the enemy, knows it’s going to happen soon ‘cause he seems to be consumed with seeing me entombed so he’s desperately trying to make this my finale, but I’m not close to being a finished product & ***** **** to feel free to just wait & watch & see that…. I’mma be trouble man, a whole lot of trouble man, trying to bring about a change & be a blessing to the people all over the land. Satan gonna tear your kingdom & rebuke you from here to Japan. You Lose, He wins, once again.My deliverance is shortly at hand. I proclaim it in His Name!Here comes Trouble Man…Bet y’all didn’t C that comin!
Yes Lord,
Thank you Big Bruh
Thank you 2 my 2 Brothas
I’mma be trouble MAN!